


In Mournful Letters

by timmy_cardiac



Category: Greek and Roman Mythology, Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rick Riordan
Genre: Love Letters, M/M, Monologue
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-30
Updated: 2019-02-17
Packaged: 2019-10-19 07:18:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 2,301
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17596856
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/timmy_cardiac/pseuds/timmy_cardiac
Summary: Hyacinthus writes love letters in his head-----and his spirit or whatever was preserved in the flowers cause I said so





	1. Youth's First Bloom

**Author's Note:**

> hhhnnnnggggg I'm adding this to the pjo fandom but it can be read as part of that universe or strictly mythology  
> \----  
> also my two a.m. monkey brain forgot to mention that this takes place after hyacinthus' death, so he is a flower at this point in the story

Good morning, my love. The warmth of your sunrise surrounds me, just like you were here with me again. And yet you are so far away. Your sunshine feels dimmer, in a way. More artificial. Are you thinking, as I am, of the days when you would come to visit me after raising the sun? Or, perhaps, of the times I joined you, and it was only us, far above the clouds, and not even Zeus could touch us. 

I know your heart must be terribly broken, though some days I still find myself unable to fathom how a god could possibly honor a mere mortal so much. Knowing this, remembering your offers of immortality and eternity together, makes me miss you even more. How I long to feel the heat of your skin, or the gentleness of your touches. 

.....

I must be terribly selfish, craving such attention from a god. I have become too brash for my own good. I did so long ago, I suppose. Spartan princes are trained to be humble, but you have me surety that I could do anything. 

The sky is the same color as your eyes, Apollo. Did you know that? 

I love you


	2. My Crimes Reproach Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Night is the coldest

The night sky's stars glow like a handful of diamonds scattered across the heavens. It's beautiful and peaceful, yet somber. Even before I'd met you, the daytime was my favorite above night. The night hides things from our view. It warps shadows and imposes darkness like a heavy blanket. 

It is not late enough in the year for the air to be very cold, but the absence of your sunlight makes me shiver nonetheless. For years the sun has slept beside me, and now we are pulled apart. Zephyros' winds blow gently through the tall grass, and I know I should not be afraid but I still am. He couldn't hurt me much now that I am no longer human, not really. He wouldn't be able to destroy me. 

Sometimes I wish I hadn't gotten used to you protecting me all the time. I know it is a horrible thought, and I hope you realize that I would never want to give you up, but it's true. I think, sometimes, of all the things Zephyros could do to me without you by my side. I won't lie when I say I wish we could have had this forever. I refused your proposal many times so I could take care of my family, and my people. Perhaps the right choice all along was to join you. 

I worry for my youngest sister. She is all alone in the world. If you were able to hear me I would ask you to watch over her. 

I love you


	3. The Anguish Created

The sunset tonight was so beautiful, yet I felt your sorrow in it. As the sun dipped below the horizon, the sky was turned red like it had been painted with blood. Perhaps not the most lighthearted of comparisons, I will admit. But it's been difficult to think about anything else. 

I soaked up as much of the dying light as I could, trying to store it up and use it as a comfort until sunrise. The end of day sunlight is the brightest, and the warmest. I had a passing thought that it might have been a message for me, albeit one I couldn't decipher. 

As the last of your golden rays disappeared and whispered a quiet goodbye, I broke. I could no longer be as dauntless and resilient as was expected. I tired of living behind walls. I cried for the first time in many a year, my silent cries echoing in my head. Come back come back come back come

Do you ever cry for me?

I love you


	4. Fixed Upon Remembering Lips

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> trying to forget but always remembering

I shivered and shook through the long night-it's been getting colder as of late. When your golden flames rose over the mountaintops I nearly wept with joy. Time without sunlight slurs my thoughts and makes me feel weak, the same way a long day of training would. 

I stand as erect as possible and bask in the dawn's glow. Light blue dyes the expanse of sky above me. When it mixes with the fading pink and yellow, it reminds me of festival ribbons tied around baskets full of food and flowers.

Festivals in Sparta are loud and brimming with excitement, the kind that lasts for days afterward. My mother's smile as the maids step away from lacing beads in her hair, my sister collecting small rocks with peasant girls, my relief when I didn't have to be steadfast and princely like I was expected to be. All these things had seemed inconsequential at one time or another, because soon the parties ended and the only things left were memories and a few pressed flowers given to me by the handsomest peasant boys. 

It appears I've grown reminiscent as of late. I usually try not to think about these things for fear that it would drive me mad. Perhaps it already has. 

I love you


	5. A Fault to Have Loved

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I like low-key hate how this chapter turned out but o well

Ever since I can remember, light has made me feel alive. The bittersweet solitude of darkness could never hope to match light's charming rays and soft caresses. With this in mind, I suppose it's no wonder I fell in love with you. The sun may seem harsh to many, but I know of your tender actions, I've seen you weep for the deaths of innocent children. You are so unlike what I had been taught about gods. Throughout our time together, I constantly saw sides of you that you admitted you had never shown to anyone else. To me, it made you seem almost human, although I didn't mention it. 

You do play the part of a human quite well when you want to. After all, it's what you were when I met you. When you joined my hunting troupe disguised as a mortal boy about my age, I have to say I was suspicious. The rest of my hunters were grown men, and you were very shy for the skilled hunter you claimed to be. When you revealed yourself to me, I was terrified. Oh, I'm sure you could tell! I truly expected you to kill me then. 

Strange how quickly things change, isn't it? I didn't ever tell my family about you, but I'm sure they suspected something. And I never wanted to hide you. Truthfully, I wished I could parade around with you on my arm, just so everyone could see how happy we were. I wanted all of Greece to know of the great love I had for you. 

Gods, I still do, don't I? More than anything I wish to be one with you again. A life without you would be bittersweet and solitary. 

I love you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> perhaps I could write about how hyacinthus and apollo met (based on headcanon) if anyone would read it so let me know


	6. A Life to Restore Yours

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the world is alive

I can feel my roots strengthening and reaching out through the soil. It makes me feel not more powerful, but more alive. Somehow, far more alive than I felt as a human. I am connected to the earth, to all other living things. We underestimate plants. We know that they are alive, but we still do not comprehend that kind of living. 

It's strange. I'm not able to move about, but I can feel the soft breezes and the rays of your sun on me. I could even feel the soft sticky feet of the butterfly that rested on my petals this morning. Light shone through the animal's crystalline wings, unlike anything I'd ever seen before. When it flew away, I wished I could fly too, to be as careless and free. 

I used to fly, always with you by my side. We soared over great heights together and looked down on the world, at all the people living and not knowing we were watching. It was so exhilarating. I never had to fear because I knew you were there to hold me. Most humans are not granted the privilege of a god's company. And if they are, it's never like what we had. That alone made everything more exciting; when, for a second, I could believe that I was as special as you insisted.

I know that beneath all the praise, I am nothing but a boy. Occasionally I wondered if you had forgotten that. You think far too much of me. I must admit, though, that your love exceeded any gifts or honors from the people of Macedon. Truthfully, you were the best part of my life. 

It's starting to rain.

I love you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there's debate to where hya lived, personally I headcannon it as macedonia


	7. This Purple That Silver

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> rain

It's been raining for so long. Hours? Days? I cannot tell. At first, the soft sprinkling that came from a sapphire blue sky was refreshing, like the first taste of food after a fast. It made me hope for a rainbow. I've always loved them. In a way, they seemed even more magical than the gods and monsters of this world. But none came, and instead the sky darkened and greyed and raindrops became heavier, like tears of grief. Is Zeus punishing me? Or you? You are immortal and immensely strong and yet I find myself worrying that you could be hurting. It's folly, but I can't stop it.

It's been getting more and more difficult to stand up straight as the water falls and all but forces me into the ground. It hurts. It's something akin to the beatings that would take place in the temples to test a boy's strength. Peasants would gather to watch as boys were carried off, hardly able to walk. They would wonder if any of us were given bandages or healing herbs. No. The test of strength lasted long after the whip no longer cracked and the ropes no longer chafed our skin. You would heal my wounds despite this. You did it every time, even though I reminded you it was against the teachings of my people. You assured me time after time that my relief was infinitely more important than rules. I could hear you mutter curses at my teachers as you mended me. Sometimes it made me laugh. Other times I just wanted to cry as I thought of the other boys stuck in blood-soaked tunics, doing nothing but suffering. 

I want to cry again now, but I don't. There's already so much water. If I cry I might drown. It's freezing and wet and so so dark. Where are you, my love? Why do you hide yourself? Please come back, please. It's so cold and I'm growing frightened. I want nothing more than to feel your lips trailing across my skin, leaving warmth in their wake. 

Come back

I love you


	8. Sport Can Be Called

I miss the way you used to wake me. There would be darkness, then the softest, dimmest light and a weight at the end of my bed. Warm fingers caressed my arm and your hair tickled my face when you kissed my forehead, drawing me from deep slumber. I wasn't always asleep when you came. Sometimes I would pretend, only to refrain from interrupting what was our ritual. You could tell, but you never said a thing about it. 

It thrilled me to see you before sunrise-I got to behold you before anyone else. It made me feel important, though no one else knew about it. You see, I never cared about being important to everyone. What I wanted above all else was to be important to you. I suppose I accomplished that early on, but am I still important to you, even in my death? Admittedly, I'm not entirely sure I'd like to know. I don't want to only be a reminder of pain. I want you to look back fondly on the sweet moments we had together. Don't focus on the 'what-ifs' of the past.

You gave your love to others quickly, sometimes without thinking. You loved me so much, despite knowing we were born to be entirely incompatible. It's going to take time for you to regain happiness, but it can be done. Perhaps I will forever be a dark and sorrowful presence somewhere in the back of your mind. I do not wish to hurt you, and yet that is all I'll ever do. 

I love you


	9. Sink Down

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> owo whats this?? some decent character development??? perhaps

Do I seem as though I am handling all this well? Is there something about the way I carry myself that could make a person assume that I am completely fine? I've gotten so accustomed to bring the strong and brave prince my parents wanted me to be that I've lost important parts of myself. I despise that fact, because I am not who I am truly meant to be anymore. It's like I'm wearing a long, thick bride's veil and every one around me is left guessing. I am so afraid each time I realize I don't even know how to read my own feelings. I am afraid of guessing. And I'm tired of ignoring. 

I try not to think about how I died. I try not to think of how it felt. And over and over, I fail to do so. I want to forget it but I need to remember it. 

I never saw you go. I never got to hear your goodbye. I heard you pleading with Zeus to do anything, to take away your godhood so you could join me in death. Then I died, and soon enough I was alive again, but you were not there, I keep thinking maybe you'll come visit me. My hopes rise in the mornings and are crushed with the weight of the sunset each night. I should not spend so much time waiting on you when I know you will not come, but I cannot stop it. 

I still can't remember much of my death. I think when I'm ready, I will. 

I love you

**Author's Note:**

> title from ovid's metamorphosis
> 
> let me know what you think <333


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